Dear Tom Hiddleston,

I’m not going lie, I’m in your army, although I came to it in a roundabout way, but I’m pretty solidly in it now. So as one of their number I’d like to reassure you that while yes, your fans are a bit crazy, they are also really nice. Case in point, there is a Pinterest board called Hiddles for All. It currently has 2967 followers and the goal of this smaller army is to pin 33,000 pictures of you by your 33rd birthday, which I believe is in 2 days. The total is currently at 32,363 and climbing as we speak. I mean right now there are fans avidly posting as many pictures of you as possible while also taking copies for their own boards, liking the pictures and having long comment based conversations with each other about said pictures. As a new convert I came across a compilation of you singing with a microphone and a full band backing you up. My comment: “Oh God, he can sing too?!” the lovely reply, which I will hold in my heart forever, was: “You must be new here, welcome! And yes, I don’t think there is anything that Tom can’t do.” How nice is that?! An official welcome to your army from a complete stranger. Your fans are awesome. But I did also mention they are a bit mad.

The number of pictures of you and their frequency is just staggering. You have had a lot of press recently: the Jaguar Super Bowl commercials, Elle, Coriolanus (which was utterly fantastic), and now Top Gear after Benny (be warned there is a lot of overlap between the Cumber Collective and the Hiddlestoners). Where am I’m going with this? I’m not really sure but the sheer volume images have tipped me from jubilant to worried. When does this amount of attention begin to take its toll, or has it started already? It has got to be a strange feeling to have 33,000 pictures of you collected in one place. You are too intelligent and sensitive not to be a least partially stunned by the obsession and attention that goes with fandoms and stardom. Not that I would know in the least, but I do see how it affects others and the addictions and suicides that fame cannot defend against.

Please don’t forget to take care of yourself and take time for yourself. Your fans don’t need another picture of you in a bathtub in a white t-shirt. There are a lot of those out there already, over 33,000. Take a break, breath, and realize what we want most for you is a happy life, and long career, and Loki in his own movie.

Happy Birthday.

Sincerely, Psylynce.

P.S. I am not kidding about that Loki movie.

Dear Tumblr,

You are a hot mess. I really expected something like Dreammwidth from you, you know nice orderly layouts that march one after another. Controlled, calm, soothing even. You are not these things. You are like some weird Dreamwidth/Pinterest hybrid. A Frankenstinian patchwork of a million people's ideas, a computer based stream of consciousness, a psychic, knee-jerk cacophony. It's so easy to lose perspective on your own contribution and be reduced to "ooo I like that," re-blog!

Originally I wasn't going to re-blog. I was happy to let other people's posts slide through my brain. It was a fun sensation and an interesting window out onto the media overload our society is experiencing. But then, I realized that in-order to comment I had to start messing up my own feed with other people's stuff. Well played, Tumblr, you and Pinterest are tied for incestuousness. A giant puzzle of stealing and posting what had already been stolen and posted a hundred thousand times before. Literally. I saw a post with 164,000 re-blogs and likes. I should be awed at the potential power, but it was a photo of Tom Hiddleston. This is what people are occupying their time with. Me too apparently because I stole it and posted it on Pinterest. I probably liked it too.

Kieron Gillen summarizes his Tumblr account with "Because there's a certain strand of nonsense that seems increasingly out of place over on the old Workblog." Yeah, I totally see that now. But, really it's not all the nonsense that gets me. That's fun, and filterable. It's the semi-illusionary sense of connection that's driving me crazy. I feel a need to comment and participate, but I am constantly left hanging, not knowing if things are being read, or if they are why aren't they commented on in turn? Not funny enough, or even worse maybe they sound stupid. It's every day putting on an impassioned speech to an huge,shadowed audience whose numbers you can't quite make out and getting nothing back. Tough crowd. Or maybe they read it, smiled, and moved on to the next sound bite. I'll never know. You're killing me Tumblr because I will never know.

That is all.

Sincerely, Psylynce

P.S I see you, one follower! I don't know how you found me, but hi!

Dear Kieron Gillen,

This is my love letter to you, and Jamie McKelvie if you’re up for a threesome.
I've been following you since your Journey into Mystery and during that time I've become very accepting of your multiple personality syndrome, something I find very attractive in a writer. If I’m to be truthful, though, the aspect of you that I have most fallen for is Loki, whom you've passionately crafted with your heart and soul, and then, with Jamie’s hands, aged most appropriately for my demographic (I shouldn't call him Jamie, as we aren't close, but let’s not disrupt the intimate style of this confession of mine).

My feelings for Loki are as complex as the character himself, ranging from simple delight in his wordplay in the most inappropriate of situations, to admiration for his brilliant, layered and interlocking lies (another attractive trait for a writer), to flat out desperate jealously for his ability and willingness to change. Admittedly I am not dead, but I feel stuck in that limbo place of potentiality wherever Loki was before Thor called him back. I too need to change and start anew, but I am deeply unsure of how to do so.

So really it’s not a love of Loki (and by proxy you), but a love of his story and the hope it represents. I would give a lot for Loki’s ability to know exactly what to do in any given situation, but failing that I’ll take some guidance from his life so far:

•Letting some parts of your old self go is not always a bad thing
•Be ready to improvise, because plans don’t always work out and that’s ok
•There’s nothing wrong with putting some trust in love as it sometimes saves the day
•With the right tools it is possible to write your own happy ending

Thank you, thank you for your inspirational run writing Loki. It has meant a lot to me. I will be reading Agent of Asgard and I’m heartened that you have been having drinks with Al Ewing and that he uses the word “snog” in the series’ summary, but it won’t be the same. But, again, as previously discussed, sometimes change is the only option we have.
Thanks again for the love affair; it’s been quite a rush!

That is all.

Sincerely, Psylynce

P.S. If I never get a reply to this I'm going to consider it my first rejection letter and paper my wall with it and all my future ones, just like Stephen King.

P.P.S. I did get a kind of indirect response to this on tumblr. I'm not convinced he read this letter, but he did respond most kindly to my request for him to read it. What a lovely and talented person.

Dear Neil Patrick Harris,

Where the hell is my album?! I have patiently been following your career for years now (came on at Season 2 HIMYM, never saw Dougie) and have seen you perform song after amazing song and STILL. NO. ALBUM. Why do you keep forcing me to to time and again retreat to YouTube for Nothing Suits Me Like A Suit or Brand New Day or even It's Bigger! ? Fine, I know the first two are in soundtrack compilations, but really you are just forcing me to listen to other people sing instead of just you! No one wants that, they want a full length album of just you singing. Is that too much to ask? I didn't think so and yet here I am still waiting and trolling YouTube. It breaks a girl's heart to see you filming hysterical TV episodes and spending quality time with your family (reportedly, I am not a stalker) instead of recording every single song you have ever sung for my entertainment...aaandd money. I'll pay handsomely, just please produce a product. I will also weep tears of joy and gratitude while I rock out in my car to your greatest hits.

That is all.

Sincerely, Psylynce

PS Epic-ally relevant lyrics for this post ;)